The stress and pressure is really getting into me.
I am feeling breathless at times.
Shit.. why am i working so slow these days.
Fucking need to complete more work tonight.
But am so looking forward to the run with hl later tonight.
jia you py.
A brand new week, the last 3 days of June 2010, soon a new month.
Today i felt lethargic.
Sometimes when i lose direction in life momentarily.. this happens.
and Some other time when i find something amiss.. i feel this way.
both reasons are apparent today.
What is the kind of life i want to lead?
I haven't seen jy for so long.
Oh man.. i am going crazy.
______________________________________________
Just came back home from basketball with zhong hua. It was a really good
workout. haa.. my skills are seriously not that good already. haaaa
But i guess i can still make it up with my hussle play. I'm still young yea!
Still can run. =)
Sunday was a wonderful day.. i went for taekwondo class again. And i
must tell you, it's really fun! haa.. i am just doing my thing and trying to
regain some of my fitness. It won't be easy, but i guess i can do it.
The kids are really funny, they just look at me like i am some foreign/alien.
haa.. yes i have not introduced myself to the class, but i think i am slowly
easing into their circle. They are all so young! Primary school. but they are
already so high uP! I mean like there are at least 7 Poom belters. Which is
an equivalent of a dan 1 black belt (they are poom belters because they are
below 16). So by right we are the heirachy.
But its weird, they kept looking at me, like this guy is going to do something
so fantastic or something. Wahaha... but i am so not in condition now.. haa
Coach was telling me, kids being kids, will behave in this way.
They will look to adults for support and advises.
Ha.. but I guess the only area i can help them in, is in sparring
and fitness. So while i am trying to get a good feel on tkd again..
i will try to help them in these two areas. ha.. i love taekwondo =D
Tomorrow will be a long day.
py
Today marks my first year that i am working in this company.
What has changed over this 1 year?
Well.. it's subtle changes, elusive to acquaintance and myself at times.
Last year this time, i have a stable relationship with huixian,
i am doing well in school and just got my sem 4 results.
Which were amazing by my standards.
I was motivated to do so much things in life, and in school.
I am always on the phone talking to VWOs,
liaising things and events.
I had a good start at work due to great mentoring from my
supervisor celeste and boss yh. They are two really good
role models.
Today, i am single and my last sem's result was not something
to be proud of. I have stopped doing volunteer work all together.
I resigned from the board of Share-on Welfare Organisation.
I've tried to find a girlfriend but to no avail. I guess god is telling
me it's time for a prolong rest; to find myself, make myself
complete before i be the pillar of strength for another.
(god's echoes via abbie) I've started to think of ambitious things
such as relocating myself to Australia, working there, in a bid
of getting my permanent resident(PR) in the lands of the kangaroos.
I believe i have found a career that i thought i will not work for
one day - being a medical doctor. It's something that is bigger
than me, a prospect that i think of, and nothing but fear and doubts
hit me. Science had never been my strongest strength. But
a heart of gold (if i may use the phrase) is something that keeps
me alive. I love people and i sympathise deeply with people that
are in unfortunate situations and every cell in my body is making
me walk the extra mile, work with vigour and energy.
It's my potential. - though i might be mistaken on this by all means..
What have i done to show my determination in walking this
path? I have started to borrow books from whoever that is willing to
lend. Hmm.. so far i still haven't got jc textbooks for chemistry
and biology yet. But i will start to read up really soon.
I'm not doing this for anyone else, not jy, not my mum/dad.
I am happy that i am finally making the first step into
this field.
Accounting will always be my strength nomatter what i do in
the future. But i just felt that accounting is not something that
i am passionate about. Helping another human being to
relieve or acheive his/her potential is.
I'm happy with who i am now. but i'm still not the finished
product yet, definitely.
py
Been awhile since i last blogged.
This week was a good week =) Though i guess i am not working as
fast as i will have liked to. As last week was my army reservists,
i had alot of work this past week to clear up. Luckily i managed to
do over time the last 3 days of the week, that helped to instill
some kind of normalcy back into my work flow.
I had my fair share of fun though. No worries. I can take care of
myself pretty well. =)
Tuesday met up with wayne and zhonghua to go shopping.
It was quite fun. haa cause i don't always shop for clothes, so this was really
new to me. I managed to get a pair of blazer/jacket(fromal&casual kind)
for my company's D&D in july. Though it wasn't cheap at all, $80 =(
There was this pair of shoe that i saw at pedro which i thought looks really good.
I am thinking of getting it.. and yes its expensive! It's like $100.
Yesterday night, i was feeling emo, so i kinda did something, i
went to treat myself to a dinner, something that is really expensive.
I had ramen and gyoza at this japanese looking food outlet. The food
tasted really nice, the meat was so good it melted in my mouth and
the egg was cooked on the outside and not in the inside. $22.
After my dinner, i went to Zhong ren's place with yann liang.
As usual we talked bout anything&everything and played winning11.
We were there to catch the world cup game and yes it was dissappointing.
England played like they are france. and algeria played like they were
mexico.. it just sucks big time.. wasted our time totally..
btw, i was clever, i KO-ed half way into the match and i am proud
to say i didn't miss much action =D
Today i practically did nothing other than resting and playing ps3.
I bought straits time.. so i guess i am going to read up bit and do
some soul searching.. set some goals.. look at how my progress in
my current pursuits.. etc.. all the admin work for my life.
I gotta take ownership eh.
i guess that is the only different between being a young adult
and an adult.
py
it was a good weekend =)
it wasn't all exciting through out.
But i guess it was really nice and heartwarming,
just to hang out with my classmates, bros and sis alike.
They are so nice to be with. They provide me so much
comfort.
I was gald to know that zhongren is going to be married
next year after much discussion with her future wife's parents.
He was sincere enough to go over to vietnam to talk things out
with her parents. that is really a mark of a man with a family.
I was also very happy that i was able to swim afew laps in the
swimming pool yesterday at clementi swimming complex.
I did stopped at the side of the pool every of this laps..
but i did not worry too much about drowning. i just kept
doing the kicks and hand motions to get myself afloat.
Yes, i am still afraid of water, but i took the first step,
personally to overcoming it. it was splendid.
This past thursday, i played basketball with zhong hua at
628basketball court. It was quite fun! as in we really sweat
it out there and played quite alot of games. =)
The most interesting thing that happened that day happened
when i was about to pass the ball. There was a kid on my
team that shouted uncle. I was momentarily stunned.
but i realized that he was shouting for me to pass him the ball!
haa.. I felt like laughing out. haha its almost like i turned to
an adult at last. Someone just really called me uncle.
It means i have grown up and is acting like an adult, a man alr.
It felt relieving.
There was a friend, that i made really upset.. and it was
for a long period of time.
I need to apologise for that. i will not talk like that anymore
or on the two things u said i shouldn't.
Sometimes i do not know such stuff until it is made clear to me
so it was good that i know that. I think i am quite blur and
stuff whenever it comes to feelings.. but i will only get better.
Sorry again, and jia you for your exam!!
=D
Onward to reservists!
py
Today was the end of a good week.
I felt confident taking on my work and i felt that i had
more control over things that are happening around me.
I could look at a 3rd person view of things and not get
overly affected by things.
I managed to clear all my work for this week and bit for
next week. Stayed till quite late today, doing filing and
stuff. I hope this will help Catherine and Kathy when
they are taking over my duties for next week while i am
at Pasir Ris doing my reservists.
Sometimes when u do something,
it doesn't give u the 'desired' result.
You try again,
and it doesn't feel right too.
This time you really got desperate..
You contemplated whether to try, or not.
You bite your lips, decided to try it, not u'll feel regret.
So you try, slowly, cautiously.
But it exploded infront of you.
Silent.
Now, what?
py
