Never Give Up! eh! =)

pardon me.. its a v thought based entry.. spilling everything out to think better.. v tired..

I question myself yesterday night. Like i had over the years.

wat do u want to do? like now? wat do u want to do?
and a list of things just trickle down one after another.

-find a gf
-married by 27
-study hard to get my accountancy degree
-help sharon with share-on-team but v hate her attitude and indirect volunteering now
-set up a social service club in sim
-find a job like now and now!
-backpacking to hk-macau-yunan in yr end
-wanna become INDEPENDENT in all aspects of my life.
-get my coaching theory certificate
-wanna earn alot of $$ so tt i can open my own cafe and farm in japan
-play bball and practise tkd


and i kept thinking of all these stuff.. till i get abit pissed with myself.
cause i haven't really got tt far yet into all those goals... hehe

have i found the real thing tt i want in life?

I used to think, that i could just do watever things i want in this world.
cause i am a v ambitious and passionate person.
so i kinda did alot of my task with alot of passion and drive.
like tkd-i used to attend practise it everyday..and i so nearly got into the national tm
relationships-i used to just put every things i have on the line for the relationship.
volunteer work-i used to put all my time i have free for tt
basketball-i used to play like everyday after school cause i thought i could enter nba if i trained hard enough
coaching tkd-i used to coach tkd everyday too! and i love kids!

but after sometime.. i kinda lost all the drive for all these "passions".

i DECIDED after 2 yrs of army. to take up accountancy.
i DECIDED to drop volunteer work right after YVIP'08. i was tired of everything volunteering entails.
i DECIDED to pull away from girls because i know i will fall in love v easily. and i needed time to recoup emotionally.
i DECIDED i DECIDED..

I feel like being guai lan.

just fuck care all those tt happened last time.
and just do wat i wanna do now.
but i know i can't.

i so feel like taking up another course.
physiotherapy, social work, sports coaching, sports science!

its like i feel that if i dun take up that course i will die with regrets!

i wanna help ppl! so badly! be somebody that can give ppl energy and inspire them!

just abit, that moment.

i wanna make a difference.

accountancy is a degree i took up cause it is
1. a biz language
2. i wanna be a bizman next time(ie. open cafe)
3. wanna earn good $$!
4. cause i need a degree.

yea.. its a v cunning and realistic world out there. =)
I need a degree.

oh mans..

actually ar.. i am not happy with anything.
just that, i feel i can do so much more in life.
with this body, this existence.

i just thinking through loads of things now.

and with my personality... guess it's normal and better to think more.

i am still feeling heavy in my heart.

cheers,
py

posted by py @ 1:28 AM