Never Give Up! eh! =)

oh ya,

I forgot to say something about how i felt today..
Hmm.. it was all over.
I guess it's that season of self doubts and questioning.
Think of alot alot of things these days. And i get stuck
with problems and thoughts every single day. It feels like
i am drowning sometimes.. but i felt strong inherently..
So it's confusing yet ironic.

"Nothing wrong with feeling that way." I told myself.

I was worried, whole day, about jy. Because she is taking her
GAMSAT paperS and she wasn't at all confident.
I am just worried she will revert back to doing things
to harm herself, because she is already in such bad
condition emotionally these few days.. or maybe, just maybe,
these few years. That just occupied most of my energy level
today.

I was dissappointed but relieved, that i had finished my
ippt and failed it. Relieve because i finally get my arse off
my seat and got it done. It was quite a relieve. That AT LAST
i am waking up to reality. I NEED TO BE FIT, OPERATIONALLY
FIT ALL THE TIME!
So yea.. i have told myself, and this time it is bo bian and for real,
i need to pass my ippt before 4/4/10, and that means, i need to
really go for all the ippt that i can make it.
just got to train every single morning too.
Just going through the ippt routine and getting really used to it.
I believe with time and hard work, i will get to the passing mark.

I felt terribly loss.. sometimes.. when i think to myself (same thoughts)
.. jy has a boyfriend.. and i am still running, sometimes in darkness,
as there is no future that is certain because i don't feel confident at
all that i will win her over. I am not struggling with this.. But i just felt
that i am emotionally draining my level of energy. BUT!
Good things/love, need time eh. =)
I am willing to sacrifice current level of emotional draining for future
potential emotional fulfilment. Main thing, is that i want her to be
really happy, i wanna try, yes, very much.

I need to realllllyyy pack my table.. it is collecting dust and it doesn't
look like a study table anymore..

Tmr will be a great day!

Cheers,
py

posted by py @ 1:14 AM