feeling fresher..
back home again. it really feels like a relief somehow.. haha.. its weird..weird because this is my home, but i feel weird at home. kinda got an urge
to juz go out and do what i wanna do. but somehow i cannot find that
motivation to do that. wanna go jog, swim, practice basketball, do
volunteer work, take up coaching course, take part in nationals taekwondo
competition, watching movie, walk around and etc etc.. haha..
maybe i will go and catch up with those things again. those are really
my kind of things. cause everyday i can dream of me going to the
olympics as a singapore representing singapore in taekwondo. can
dream of me going to ntu and nurture my taekwondo skills and coaching
skills. can also dream of my basketball team getting into the finals of a
major competiton in singapore with me having to take the final shot.
can also dream of me going overseas to do volunteering work, to
make another person smile in the midst of uncertainty and crisis.
can also dream of me getting my red beret and become a full fledge
commando. haha.. and also my buddies and me are also super serious
about the dream to cycle from singapore to thailand, can dream of that too.
can also dream of jas and me going to uni together, not really need to be ntu,
queensland and westland uni also can. -->so many dreams. haha..
its kinda hard to believe that i can get to experience all of these dreams.
i might be tire out if i am to say i wanna get to all of my dreams in one year.
haha.. i have had this kinda feeling not long ago, when i was in seconday
school..i tried to get to the leadership position of npcc and councilor board,
and also commited to volunteer work once or twice every week. still remember
the excitement everyday brings. cause everyday is a new day. thats
how i see feel and see it. (i am kinda of a feel then think kinda guy)....opps
yea.. many will doubt me de la.. cause i also doubt myself in getting to
all these dreams or wat ppl call commitment, or goals, or hope.. haha..
i dun really care. not really alot of particular reason why i wanna acheive
these, juz feel that if these are my strong points, i need to hone them,
my weak point, like my pr skills and my speaking, my confidence infront of ppl
(i tend to be super sensitive to little hints in body and voice langauge... so
sometimes will get little nt confident when ppl make me feel that way.)
my think 2nd mechanism.. have to change too.. muz integrate it soon with
my feel factor. haha.. chim eh.. my weakness, muz try to see how i can
alter them la.. haha.. slowly.. cannot rush. like running, cannot increase mileage
(the distance u CAN run) by more than 10% per week orelse ur biggest
enemy will strike, injury.
now, juz got to study hard, get a good result, and then go to uni with jas.
now, got to jog and run more, do more flutter kicks, push ups, to built up
phycial condition, so that i can get my red beret.
now, got to let jas feel free =P
now, got to take part in any taekwondo or basketball competition. only thru
competition can we know our standard.
now, got to save bit of money cause will need them for uni.
now, got to be happier outside, orelse ppl around me will suffer. cause they
are concern that i am suffering.
now, got to build my mileage for cycling slowly.
now, got to start planning all these things liao.
haha..
suddenly got alot of things to do. haha..
sometimes juz wanna go out with jas for a movie to juz heckcare of the
rest of the world, and juz relax with her.. haha.. but think that day, i have
to wait up bit. relax eh jas? i will call lesser. and smile more =D
trust me, and believe in me, cause thats the best motivation i can ever get.
someone to really believe in me.
anyways.
today is sunday, not really going out to have alot of luxury fun.. juz wanna
stay home and study, and then later go out for a game of basketball and
maybe go jog 2.4km. wanna hit below 10:30mins so bad sia..
oh ya..forgot to talk about this week.
today is sunday le. this week is fucking pack. very tiring. super ultra intense.
had compass course, that was a long day.. and then had to run alot alot this week
very forgetful.. think ran 5km..2.4 afew times..haha.. improved i think.
last time i dread running, but now, as i improve, i find that i can endure longer distances.
oh ya.. and also got SOC> ran 3km,4km, and yesterday completed RT(remedial training)
for ppl that fail 4km soc la.. haha.. thats me.. failed by 12sec.. can u belive that? haha..
but still fail la.. yesterday i felt pretty good after running.. think i improved again.
the sir also got say, u guys improved alot, hard to believe.. haha.. of course la..got me ma.
=P last week also went to marsiling to pluck durian and navigate around the whole area.
haha.. it was fun la.. though fucking tiring. cause i carry 40kg of load.. heavier than
the rest. have to get use to it la.. cause i signaller. climbing up the knoll almost killed me.
but its ok la. past it le. then i will do better nxt time. btw, we were the last to set off
and 1st to reach back to final check point.. haha.. our leader gd la.. i can only contribute in
a different way, carrying more weight, cause want him to think better, with less load.
its not my forte to navigate.. cause not exactly sure how to.. haha.opps.. so let him ba.
learning though.oh ya.. and funny thing, everytime see sir, he will ask me, got call her or
not.. haha. and i will automatically do 40 push up for him.. haha.. cause i got call but
no one answered. he is being nice la. teaching me alot of things by punishing me.
hope the day will come soon when we can talk and go out.
i was really very happy when i hear jas say she can definitely go to queensland or
westland uni.. but after tat, i was looking at myself. am i able to get in? results
wise, have to do better this year ar! at least get 3Cs. money wise, i have to start
buying guard duty and doing odd jobs and coaching. haha.. hope by then, i will
have enough to pay for 2 years of queensland uni sch fees, mayb lucky will have
scholarship or bursary. =P haven't really told mama and papa about that, but next year,
i am 21 le. i will make my own decision. got to go research on those two uni le.
interested in political science, engineering, mass communication. got to go research.
dunno this month got bonus or not.. haha.. opps..
sir(oc=officer in command) always say, "winner secure,loser pay."
i have been paying ever since i broke up with jas. haha.. cause i lost her, and my
soul. have been at a down in my life.
but feel that i am starting to pick up again. i am 20 years old. but feel that i am gradually
thinking like a 25 years old. with the energry of a youth of course.. haha =P
does ppl call that maturity? i have been really unsure by wat this words applies to me.
haha.. anyways.. i am glad to know ppl around me are feeling better. and happier.
jas too.
next week is going to be easier. cause got national day! haha.. my dad's bday, got
good food again. and also got 1 day off. wed. book out on tues. wa.. +P
next week also got the chance to be on a helicopter. got heli ops. =D
being a commando is hard enough. i feel that if i get that red beret. nothing will be as
hard as that. that is why whenever jas ask me, why am i giving in eventhough i am
compromising my interest and feelings.. haha.. sometimes is cause i dun really get
the sarcaism or stuff.. sometimes is cause i feel that these are juz pinches.. not enough
to kill me. and sir always preach, "alittle pain won't kill, no pain no gain. be a man and
suck it up and smile." haha.. kinda fit me la.. i am this kinda person. (very tkd hor.. haha.)
(oh btw, sir
national day is pay day too! haha. opps..
everyday is a new day ppl.
cherish every single thing in life. everything i mean. everything. =D
the sky is blue, my heart is insync with it.
god blesses everyone.
cheers!
pengyong
11:34am
posted by py @ 10:31 AM
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