random thoughts
juz came back home from movie with my ex. haha.. it was a really typical experience.. i suck la..
got so many relationship b4 le.. now say typical.. quite ego hor.. haha.. anyways.. its the
anxiety to meet an ex ba.. so long nv see her le. kinda juz wanna see her, a rush. i dunno la..
think i am bit sot sot de. everytime will think of ex here and there.. so kinda sucky la hor, super
hard being my gf.. but i nt in relationship now. so.. i have the right to be buaya right? haha..
anyways.. i was thinking about particular thing all these while.. am i able to give a girl wat she
needs. materials need.. attention/time on her.. money to spare.. maturity of thinking.. i am still
pretty far from able to give 'her' this.. haha.. maybe thats y i am always dumped. cause i seriously
suck. diploma-less..degree-less..uni-less..job-less..i have nothing to show. haha.. i have nothing..
summore this year have to take my '4th' year in A levels education.. thats shameful! shitty!
i feel super embarrased when i tell ppl that i am retaking As.. man.. i dunno how to say la..i feel
that i can do alot better. but time and time, i do not measure up to expectations. and i fail and
regret. it is almost like an addiction. a vicious cycle.its tough la.
this brings me to another area that i have been thinking of all these while. i dunno wat is the purpose of my existant. the purpose of wat i am here. i really lose sight of it already. afew
years back i see myself as a person that is influential, that commands respect, somebody
that can help the less fortunate, somebody that can really affect ppl's life. maybe that is a
minister of home affairs or sth.. or juz a counsellor .. a volunteer, i see myself having a stable
job as an engineer etc..now.. i kinda find that i am losing the touch and passion for all these.
i have changed ain't it. and when someone changes, it usually comes in a package.. alot of links..
in this case, it links to my interests and how i think and how i view my future. i feel alot different
from the past. like wat junyang said, i am less of my over confident self, i am more composed,
decisive and more aware of my position and wat is happening around me. more 'realistic'..
double edge sword here.
i juz wanna jia you in my life ahead. past is the past. present is wat builds the future..
peng yong
posted by py @ 12:14 AM
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