~the whole world is turning upside down for me~
after i got back to camp on tuesday, alot alot of tough training came..maybe i felt
that it was tough like many of the others because of the tekong trip last week.that
trip was exhausting. this effect could be summed up yesterday night when almost half
the alpha company(my company) fell out and reported sick. one even fainted and
went to the hospital.. i was kinda shock.. cause i myself was having pain in my legs,primarily
my ankles and sole of the feet. ~i still bear e pain and carried on. though next week i am
definitely going to get more knocks.. i can still 'tong'(endure).. think e training was
pretty tough ba.. sir after that asked.. wat e heck happen to u guys.. he said
he planned it tough, but tough in a way that we can take it.. well.. apparently..the
result shows that it is bit too tough, the back to back tough programmes.. hope sir
can give us bit more rest.. hope so ba..
these days, alpha company is slowly shrinking, people are injured, getting long term injuries,
and pending to be posted out of commando's.. sometimes i wonder, when will my
turn come.. i have came so so far.. but hope things will fall in place.. and i will get my red
beret. hope people that fall out from now.. things will be brighter for them, cause i know
they really miss us, same too people.. people in the unit also is sad to see u gO! jia you
in life eh! don't give up! eh! =D
there are things in this world that is really unpredictable.. human's life is really fragile..
a very super good friend of mine in commando de mama.. she is really ill.. and don't have much time to live... my first reaction after i heard sir said he is posting out to stagmont camp, was more
of jealous than sympathy.. the camp so near to his house.. i even asked him how he got posted
out, teach me! man.. i suck. after i know the truth, i went smack quiet.. i tried to console him,
but i find that i am not good with that.. i suck.. i really suck.. i only make things worse.. all e
time.. all the freaking time.. haix.. i even got myself shunned completely by jasmine.. previously
by amanda, heidi, haha.. now by jas..
now, at this moment, i am in a real mess.. up there. i really dunno what i am doing.. thinking..
in camp sometimes, msg jas, nv receive reply, or she replied commenting i am too noisy or
negative remarks.. i feel really helpless.
i am on my own eh.. haix.. thats my life.
i have been taking up things and putting things on my shoulder the things all my life.
now my shoulders are slowly giving way. think i can still hang on.....
hope jas is doing well in the exams. although ihave been noisy. sorry. i am really sorry.
not long ago today.. i heard that my gan deair(god father) is diagnosed with cancer.
man.. wat the fuck is happening to me!
there are alot of things that i have to do. i still got my A levels. and i am not exactly working
smart. man.. i got to find a way out myself. haha.. all with my own one sided thinking..
think i will bound to meet into alot of obstacle. two brain is still better than one in
analysing and enduring all these shit.. hahaha.. i always forgot.. jas said she will not see me
again.. haha.. forget it. i give up. happy?
peng yong
14:09
rush rush rushing....~~~backtocamp........ =P
oh man, can u believe it, another week has passed! =P
so fast ! so quick! maybe cause this week got national day break.
man.. this week, quite bad la.. never really go out. but!!
this sat and sun, i really enjoyed myself, though super duper,tired..
cause never sleep enough in camp le, go outside still go watch
basketball at indoor stadium, real gd sia e basketball matches there..
def better than me.. haha.. but its time till i catch up with those guys..
haha..show ya e picture next time. really in a rush now.
jas sorry~! made ya feel so luan luan(???) the question mark feeling again.
i wanna make ya happy, and feel free..
cause that way, u will do better. and then go to uni.
will not break my promise to you.
today got go talk to papa about going overseas to study de thing.
asked him if its ex, he said yea.. but australia..ok..la..not that bad.
haha.. slowly.. i will let him know my intention, and see wat i his
opinion is.. haha.. cannot rush. but i know can de =P
opps.. gotta go now..haha
jia you next week!
jia you! jia you!
jia you!
pengyong
19:45
feeling fresher..
back home again. it really feels like a relief somehow.. haha.. its weird..
weird because this is my home, but i feel weird at home. kinda got an urge
to juz go out and do what i wanna do. but somehow i cannot find that
motivation to do that. wanna go jog, swim, practice basketball, do
volunteer work, take up coaching course, take part in nationals taekwondo
competition, watching movie, walk around and etc etc.. haha..
maybe i will go and catch up with those things again. those are really
my kind of things. cause everyday i can dream of me going to the
olympics as a singapore representing singapore in taekwondo. can
dream of me going to ntu and nurture my taekwondo skills and coaching
skills. can also dream of my basketball team getting into the finals of a
major competiton in singapore with me having to take the final shot.
can also dream of me going overseas to do volunteering work, to
make another person smile in the midst of uncertainty and crisis.
can also dream of me getting my red beret and become a full fledge
commando. haha.. and also my buddies and me are also super serious
about the dream to cycle from singapore to thailand, can dream of that too.
can also dream of jas and me going to uni together, not really need to be ntu,
queensland and westland uni also can. -->so many dreams. haha..
its kinda hard to believe that i can get to experience all of these dreams.
i might be tire out if i am to say i wanna get to all of my dreams in one year.
haha.. i have had this kinda feeling not long ago, when i was in seconday
school..i tried to get to the leadership position of npcc and councilor board,
and also commited to volunteer work once or twice every week. still remember
the excitement everyday brings. cause everyday is a new day. thats
how i see feel and see it. (i am kinda of a feel then think kinda guy)....opps
yea.. many will doubt me de la.. cause i also doubt myself in getting to
all these dreams or wat ppl call commitment, or goals, or hope.. haha..
i dun really care. not really alot of particular reason why i wanna acheive
these, juz feel that if these are my strong points, i need to hone them,
my weak point, like my pr skills and my speaking, my confidence infront of ppl
(i tend to be super sensitive to little hints in body and voice langauge... so
sometimes will get little nt confident when ppl make me feel that way.)
my think 2nd mechanism.. have to change too.. muz integrate it soon with
my feel factor. haha.. chim eh.. my weakness, muz try to see how i can
alter them la.. haha.. slowly.. cannot rush. like running, cannot increase mileage
(the distance u CAN run) by more than 10% per week orelse ur biggest
enemy will strike, injury.
now, juz got to study hard, get a good result, and then go to uni with jas.
now, got to jog and run more, do more flutter kicks, push ups, to built up
phycial condition, so that i can get my red beret.
now, got to let jas feel free =P
now, got to take part in any taekwondo or basketball competition. only thru
competition can we know our standard.
now, got to save bit of money cause will need them for uni.
now, got to be happier outside, orelse ppl around me will suffer. cause they
are concern that i am suffering.
now, got to build my mileage for cycling slowly.
now, got to start planning all these things liao.
haha..
suddenly got alot of things to do. haha..
sometimes juz wanna go out with jas for a movie to juz heckcare of the
rest of the world, and juz relax with her.. haha.. but think that day, i have
to wait up bit. relax eh jas? i will call lesser. and smile more =D
trust me, and believe in me, cause thats the best motivation i can ever get.
someone to really believe in me.
anyways.
today is sunday, not really going out to have alot of luxury fun.. juz wanna
stay home and study, and then later go out for a game of basketball and
maybe go jog 2.4km. wanna hit below 10:30mins so bad sia..
oh ya..forgot to talk about this week.
today is sunday le. this week is fucking pack. very tiring. super ultra intense.
had compass course, that was a long day.. and then had to run alot alot this week
very forgetful.. think ran 5km..2.4 afew times..haha.. improved i think.
last time i dread running, but now, as i improve, i find that i can endure longer distances.
oh ya.. and also got SOC> ran 3km,4km, and yesterday completed RT(remedial training)
for ppl that fail 4km soc la.. haha.. thats me.. failed by 12sec.. can u belive that? haha..
but still fail la.. yesterday i felt pretty good after running.. think i improved again.
the sir also got say, u guys improved alot, hard to believe.. haha.. of course la..got me ma.
=P last week also went to marsiling to pluck durian and navigate around the whole area.
haha.. it was fun la.. though fucking tiring. cause i carry 40kg of load.. heavier than
the rest. have to get use to it la.. cause i signaller. climbing up the knoll almost killed me.
but its ok la. past it le. then i will do better nxt time. btw, we were the last to set off
and 1st to reach back to final check point.. haha.. our leader gd la.. i can only contribute in
a different way, carrying more weight, cause want him to think better, with less load.
its not my forte to navigate.. cause not exactly sure how to.. haha.opps.. so let him ba.
learning though.oh ya.. and funny thing, everytime see sir, he will ask me, got call her or
not.. haha. and i will automatically do 40 push up for him.. haha.. cause i got call but
no one answered. he is being nice la. teaching me alot of things by punishing me.
hope the day will come soon when we can talk and go out.
i was really very happy when i hear jas say she can definitely go to queensland or
westland uni.. but after tat, i was looking at myself. am i able to get in? results
wise, have to do better this year ar! at least get 3Cs. money wise, i have to start
buying guard duty and doing odd jobs and coaching. haha.. hope by then, i will
have enough to pay for 2 years of queensland uni sch fees, mayb lucky will have
scholarship or bursary. =P haven't really told mama and papa about that, but next year,
i am 21 le. i will make my own decision. got to go research on those two uni le.
interested in political science, engineering, mass communication. got to go research.
dunno this month got bonus or not.. haha.. opps..
sir(oc=officer in command) always say, "winner secure,loser pay."
i have been paying ever since i broke up with jas. haha.. cause i lost her, and my
soul. have been at a down in my life.
but feel that i am starting to pick up again. i am 20 years old. but feel that i am gradually
thinking like a 25 years old. with the energry of a youth of course.. haha =P
does ppl call that maturity? i have been really unsure by wat this words applies to me.
haha.. anyways.. i am glad to know ppl around me are feeling better. and happier.
jas too.
next week is going to be easier. cause got national day! haha.. my dad's bday, got
good food again. and also got 1 day off. wed. book out on tues. wa.. +P
next week also got the chance to be on a helicopter. got heli ops. =D
being a commando is hard enough. i feel that if i get that red beret. nothing will be as
hard as that. that is why whenever jas ask me, why am i giving in eventhough i am
compromising my interest and feelings.. haha.. sometimes is cause i dun really get
the sarcaism or stuff.. sometimes is cause i feel that these are juz pinches.. not enough
to kill me. and sir always preach, "alittle pain won't kill, no pain no gain. be a man and
suck it up and smile." haha.. kinda fit me la.. i am this kinda person. (very tkd hor.. haha.)
(oh btw, sir is the general manager of safsa tkd club,, so ya.. he talk like me..haha..)
national day is pay day too! haha. opps..
everyday is a new day ppl.
cherish every single thing in life. everything i mean. everything. =D
the sky is blue, my heart is insync with it.
god blesses everyone.
cheers!
pengyong
11:34am
