This is my 300th blog post! 3rd centenial celebration! =D
A fitting incident happened this afternoon, 5mins, orchard central.
It kinda made my day so much more brighter.
I was out with Jun Yang today, we lunched at Cyrstal Jade, watched a movie
"Hua Mu Lan" window shopped at Orchard Central and dined at
Manhattan Fish Market@Plaza Singapura.
5 mins at Orchard Central. I saw Amanda Ng!! She's my ex girlfriend.
I fitting way to start my day, a guy's outing.
I saw her at the escalator while i was about to get down. HMm... i didn't call out for her.
I knew just by a glance it was her! fantastic memory i have eh? (i'm not known for that..)
and there i was, wondering whether i should follow JY down the escalator, because
i was too take aback by the sight.
There i was, with emotions swarming into me, many things that just words could
not describe, stranded, on that spot. Looking down at her as she moved down along
with the escalator and her bf in arm. It was crazy.
I did the normal thing, avoided eye contact, talked normally, laughed, tried to look
normal. It was something that i had got so accustomed with ever since my first
relationship ended. But why! I had so much to say. I could have called her, and
asked her how she is, how's life. but i didn't.
Coward it might be. I didn't felt that i could bring myself to talk to her even
when i knew deep down, things are securely hidden in the chest that only she had
the key. (but i guess the key had already been lost..)
My day was fake, from that point onwards. I always looked forward to today as a
get away, from my work, ps3, classmates, family. Just guy's outing. doing wat we
will. I don't blame her.
Whilst on the bus back, i told elyn about the incident, and she reminded me,
that (and as i quote) "...loving someone doesn't mean being together. Seeing
from afar can be a 幸福 thing too..." I was brought back to my concious.
That is when i realised, although the feelings never aged with me;
I can still feel and recall vivid moments of love, that we shared,
It was a thing of the past... she had moved on. nomatter how much i call for her
everynight when i sleep, nomatter how much i miss the presence of her.
She's having a wonderful life now.
I am happy for her.
Because i get to see her from a far, happy, in peace with herself.
Great.
py
I almost forgotten my blog's ID and Password..
haha..
Goes to show how long i didn't update my blog..
Think the last time i updated was just after my exams.. which was erm..
2 weeks ago.. ha.. not too bad laa..
eh.. where should i start..
I was thinking of finding a girlfriend, again these days, and was kinda attracted
to cher, not because she is really pretty, but i guess i needed someone.
Someone that understands me, and dun overexpect things from me.
I need someone that just take me for who i am.
Yes i am not romantic to you. Because i have been too romantic in the past.
I've tried all sorta ways. But it is not to be.. I'm sorry if i am lacking in this
state. because all these are just too 'inefficient'..
Kinda pissed with heidi, my ex. I tried to get closer to her after my last relationship.
I always viewed her and jasmine,another ex, as girls is a best fit for me.
But why then am i still single, away from them? that seems to point towards
many possible explanations. But i am pretty much bored with dabbling with them..
Together with my really forgetful nature, my body refuse to let these emotions
get a better of me. Maybe that's why i am always smiling, positive, towards the
rigors of life.
Actually i do not know what i want in my life, with regards to love.
I went from one relationship, to another. One after another. Next one and next.
I've experienced courtship, love, dejection, rejection, friendship-relationship,
pain, resurrection, patch ups, desire, lust, sex, and many more.
But now? I'm still one, peng yong.
So what is it that i seek?
Simplicity.
=)
I've always wanted to spread my love and knowledge of social work to more ppl
around me.. During my exam period this past sem, i had though through on
this idea and even mapped out some random thoughts that was on my mind..
But things have not exactly started yet. I have 3 sems, 1.5 years, to make this
a reality and to build this social work club. (that's not alot of time.. for the amt
of work to be done..)
It's alot like a religion, i feel, when i am doing volunteer work. It's life changing.
I need people, that can assist me in this pursuit.. but i doubt my classmates will
be interested in my dream.. hmm.. its tough.. but i need to start from the ground.
haix.. but i lack the courage to start it. Alot due to the work load that i presume
will be created. I Know it full well, with two YV leadership post i took up in 07&08.
I hope things will move off the ground. soon. =)
Cheers,
py
Today marks the end of the exams for this sem!
It wasn't exactly a masterpiece answer that i had presented to
the examiners, so i am not expecting to get hd...
But i am keeping my fingers crossed for a credit/distinction.
Tml going to Si Ma Lu to pray and pay my respects to Guan Yin Ma.
Hopefully I can get a decent grade for this sem.. =)
Not forgetting that this coming week is A Levels!
Lyon, Alvin, Jing Huan is going to take their exams, JIA YOU!! BEST LUCK!!
Gonna pray for u 3 tml too. =)
Anyone got anything to tell Guan Yin Ma, just sms me, I will convey the message
to her at no service charge tml. haha.. While stocks last!
Hmm.. again.. the after exam syndromne. Hmm.. i feel rather empty and
so energetic(high*) .. haha.. I wanna do so many things, so many thoughts.
Just some really basic things that i wanna do this coming sem and for this
year end..
Firstly, i think i need to be regain my discipline..
This semester has been kinda tough, because i needed to really find time to study
and mug really hard, last minute. Partly because i am working and i find it
hard to find time to be discipline in revising my work consistenly.
Therefore i felt tt i am so behind others in almost all aspects of this semeseter,
be it project work (which XL and ZH and YL really contributed alot..), test,
exams.. i was ill prepared. Time management and the motivation to see through
all that is planned in the time management stage to me is critical for next sem.
Discipline, as i found out, is something that needs some form of scarifice to be
at it's best form. Ie. i need to forgo watching tv to wash my clothes, i need to
forgo gg to sleep and do my work at the macdonals.
I've always told myself, self-psycho myself "that i will chiong tonight, nomatter
what", end up i am on the other side of the room, lying on my bed telling myself,
it was really a tough day.. i deserve a rest. Knowingly resting when i know i am
definitely putting my school work at a standstill. This is a fact and it happened
throughout the semester. And it is a failure on my part to actually rectify it.
But the trip here at serangoon helped me tremendously in getting that focus
and discipline back, even if little as it is, i can feel that i have aligned myself back
to optimal capacity. I do not want to lose this pace when i have gotten so far to
get it. I always believed in the 21 days rule to a habit.
I have been here since the start of october, hence it is almost a month i am here.
and thats certainly more than 21 days. But maybe i need to believe in the secondary
thought on this.. "after the 21 days makes a habit, the next 21 days concrete a habit."
Thats that goal i currently have. to stay at this pace from now on.
Secondly, and about today, this morning i was talking to my dad about the different
mentalities of the older generation(dad) in compared to the younger generation(me).
It was a debate of the facts. Therefore we were forthcoming in our thoughts.
From our conversation, i picked up after key learning points that i thought i could
bring with my for the rest of my life. (i) You do not need to be a genius at the start
to produce genius results. -Basically that means we do not need to be borned with
special innate talents and abilities to be doing well in life. Yes those with such blessings
will move ahead in life earlier because they are talented, but it does not mean that
we are worse off. Yes, i agree that at the start the difference is apparent. But the
production of genius results for "less talented" people like me, will need to come from
the sheer hardwork and experience garnered in the life that we went through.
Actually it could be a blessing in disguise that i am not that geniuslically created.
It means that i will experience more pain and obstables, and that will further
mould me into someone that is resilient and hardworking, always looking to go
ahead in life. Partly that is why i have a very strong work ethic and energy level.
Because i know i cannot compete with people who are smarter than me head on.
But given time, i'm also going to produce the results they produce.
(ii) Older Generation felt the agony of being poor, hence explaining the strength
in character that they potray. "The never say die spirit." It was this video i watched
on CNA that featured MM LKY having a dialogue with NUS students. He said,"the
past generation felt the pain of being poor, they did not take things for granted like
your generation, they had nothing, and that is precisely why they succeeded."
So am i suppose to be poor now, to feel the pain, and thus will give me the NATURAL
MOTIVATION to go to achieve excellence in whatever i do? I beg to differ.
This feeling of being poor, is a very natural element of motivation to make someone
strive harder, fight harder for whatever they want in life. Ie. if u got no food today,
u will feel hungry, u will go find food, by hook/crook you will find it. So there is
a basic need, and comes desperation, which ends up with a desire to work hard.
This basic need for our generation is almost fulfilled, and thus i believe the only
way to create this ('poor')experience, is through one, family education, and two,
through self discipline and independence. And thats wat i am going to be teaching
my kids when they are young, to be independent and self sufficient, and being
discipline. I myself will be on it. too.
Cheers,
py
Been a good two weeks break i suppose..
I get to do my revision.. slack.. day dream.. haha
Corporate accounting is already history, i am done with it.
Next up is my Business finance Paper on Thursday,
Small business and the accountant on Saturday.
Both papers are not walk over.
It's pretty tough.
The amount of content is quite overwhelming for 3 days of strict revision.
Hmm..
I am kinda struggling with biz finance right now.
But i believe things will work out well.
Tonight i am going to complete my tutorials and tml will be a day i try the
exam papers.
Jia you!
Jia you to Jing Huan, Lyon, Alvin too!! They are taking their A lvls!
Cheers,
to all!
