back home. . . and feeling a little different...
there has been alot of things that i wanna talk about.
alot of things had happened during these few days. weird eh..
haha.. maybe its the singapore culture ba.. haha..
super fast paced society. so many information are created, and destroyed
like nobody business..haha..
thats kinda tiring, but also fulfilling at the same time. its life changing.
and its self destructive. destroying the past me. past me.. past me..past me...haha
wonder when the past me will go..(diary la..)..haha..
peng yong..wanna do well in As.
and wanna be a cafe and entertainment king.
millionaire.
wanna help the many ppl in this world that needs help.
wanna see the world.
peng yong. lets wake up. september already ended. 21 yrs old coming soon.
3cheers.
gg back to camp..again
like it or not, good things are coming to an end.. haha.. at least for now.
going to book in in another 1:30hrs time.. i won't say its a sad thing, because i have
never dread to go to camp. it was always more of a new adventure than torture.
more of a self discovery experience than a life changing plague. i think my personal feelings
about serving the nation and being in commando's is abit different from many others.
the sir's are trying their best to make me do well for As.. and get as many As as possible.
i am really grateful of them. i really owe it to them. tml i will know my schedule for the time
that i will be given time to study. i hope the schedule will be demanding. and will squeeze me
dry, that is becasue i cannot study alone. i feel that i pressure to make me do well.. that is
something i always neglected, or should i say, nt acknowledged.. but i have come to
understand that i need this kinda external pressure so as to work hard in sth i really want.
(even for things that i really want)
warrant yuen always put it this way," it was never meant to be easy, it was meant to be
challenging,it is up to you to see it in a more positive way, and also try to get the best out
of it." haha.. super miliary rite, the tone.. i taste helplessness..yet with bit of hope and
enthusiam.. and like wat i always said,"things will only get better." trust me. whoever it is
out there. things will only get better for me. i won't doubt myself like i always did all the time.
i have missed alot of opportunities in my life thus far. there is no reason to miss even more
chances. so who cares, the past is the past, the present and future is wat i can look forward to!
today marks the 2nd(possible) nuclear test by pyongyang.. jia lat la.. i got a really bad feeling
about this. hope nothing really big happens, and hope pyongyang will not try to use it on other
country. orelse, inevitably, a full scale war is going to start, but this time it will be different,
it is a bio war. many will perish, more than wat anyone can imagined. may god bless us.
peng yong
19:34
random thoughts
juz came back home from movie with my ex. haha.. it was a really typical experience.. i suck la..
got so many relationship b4 le.. now say typical.. quite ego hor.. haha.. anyways.. its the
anxiety to meet an ex ba.. so long nv see her le. kinda juz wanna see her, a rush. i dunno la..
think i am bit sot sot de. everytime will think of ex here and there.. so kinda sucky la hor, super
hard being my gf.. but i nt in relationship now. so.. i have the right to be buaya right? haha..
anyways.. i was thinking about particular thing all these while.. am i able to give a girl wat she
needs. materials need.. attention/time on her.. money to spare.. maturity of thinking.. i am still
pretty far from able to give 'her' this.. haha.. maybe thats y i am always dumped. cause i seriously
suck. diploma-less..degree-less..uni-less..job-less..i have nothing to show. haha.. i have nothing..
summore this year have to take my '4th' year in A levels education.. thats shameful! shitty!
i feel super embarrased when i tell ppl that i am retaking As.. man.. i dunno how to say la..i feel
that i can do alot better. but time and time, i do not measure up to expectations. and i fail and
regret. it is almost like an addiction. a vicious cycle.its tough la.
this brings me to another area that i have been thinking of all these while. i dunno wat is the purpose of my existant. the purpose of wat i am here. i really lose sight of it already. afew
years back i see myself as a person that is influential, that commands respect, somebody
that can help the less fortunate, somebody that can really affect ppl's life. maybe that is a
minister of home affairs or sth.. or juz a counsellor .. a volunteer, i see myself having a stable
job as an engineer etc..now.. i kinda find that i am losing the touch and passion for all these.
i have changed ain't it. and when someone changes, it usually comes in a package.. alot of links..
in this case, it links to my interests and how i think and how i view my future. i feel alot different
from the past. like wat junyang said, i am less of my over confident self, i am more composed,
decisive and more aware of my position and wat is happening around me. more 'realistic'..
double edge sword here.
i juz wanna jia you in my life ahead. past is the past. present is wat builds the future..
peng yong
back to singapore already! haha
man oh man, yes! i am back in singapore le! haha..
there are many A times in brunei that i felt that i had reached my limit, and
that i am about to give up. though i never say or tell anyone, i really felt
that way afew times, man.. was it tough. it really did squeeze us dry. really dry.
haha think there are alot of things that need to be done, so i wanna jia you..
~the overseas training trip in brunei finished in a really expected. yet fufilling
tone. haha i really enjoyed the R&R or like wat ppl call, the M&M.. haha.. now i understand
y ppl say shopping is a gd therapy.. haha.. though i spent all my hard earned cash.. haha..
the food there is great too. esp after the famine''' haha.. the buffet at 4 seasons was absolutely a hit
haha.. talking about food juz gets me gg..esp gd food with abundance as quantity..haha.
less food.. the training there is very unique and demanding. lakuin camp, that is my camp's name
i will say it is condusive.. man.. other than that.. i will say climbing biang and the terrain terrain dere is really a challenge.
~coming back to singapore, on the sq, i felt like a free man.. haha.. but a more changed person. a man. i guess.. been thru alot. juz wanna enjoy these two days, and then got to pia all the way for my A levels le. dun wanna let all the guys down. esp my sir and my det mates and the whole company, cause they really made alot of consession and arrangements for me to conc on my studies. though i might not get my red beret as soon as them. i will get it, and join the guys in the battalion square. i swear. wait for me guys. next year de march or april. i will get my BBC.
and be proud of myself. and get into a local uni! haha..
peng yong
