Never Give Up! eh! =)

happy new year!

almost there ya.
almost reached the new year.
2007 ended, so abruptly.
so many things ended so abruptly.
bit bu shuang.bit regretful. bit painful. bit demoralised. bit wanna do something about it.
one the whole. - i did not live up to my goals this year. but hey. cheer up ya!

here comes bit of media gimmick.

worst thing that happened this year.
-> The night at Jas's house. The break up.

worst thing i did this year.
->fucking my friends because i know i suck. (u know when u know u suck.. and ppl shoot u like wat a true fnd will do.. and u juz shoot back.. ) i am sorry bro. i am really sorry. and i know i won't do that again. cause i grew up already.

things i wanna put in my diary.
->the break up with Jas.
->the times i juz lost myself.
->the times i juz felt lost.
->the despo-ness in me.
->the little/narrow mindedness of me.
->A levels exam reuslt and retaking.

best thing that happened to me this year.
=>to be able to spent a great half a year with Jas

best thing i did this year.
=>to juz.. juZ stop. and take a look at what i am in, and doing .. walking out of that whole situation with sheer spirit. commando spirit.

resolution for 2007
to pass all test in army.-> soc, ippt, atec, falcons, exchange programe, etc.
to save enough for overseas trip. to plan them too. (weida and bro de, my own de, with parents de, with camp friends de)
to start with volunteer work and taekwondo again. make a mark for myself. to be able to answer to myself.
know what i am doing, do them well.
to be a friend to all.

i love to say that this year had been fantastic, like what the tv programme always put it. haha..but well.. this year had been another up and down year. i am fortunate to go through it.
i thank god for that opportunities taken, loss. i thank everyone that loved me so.. and i will be
a wiser man next year.

peng yong

happy new year

posted by py @ 11:20 PM 0 Comments

stand down

yea.
stand by, its over.
i feel darn good la.
am back home and off later at around nine..
haha
but at least we got to come home for awhile.
tomorrow got soc.. darn mixed ar the feeling. i feel like i cannot make the 9:30mins mark.
no choice, got to run. have to run. and have to acheive that timing.
though i really feel that my running.. cannot make it.
i super hardcore miss jasmine.
haha.. i also don't know the specific reason.
maybe i am juz feeling deprived.
but things need to be sorted out.
at least i am seen as the big pervert in the bunk now.
i think it is a good thing.
cause at least i try to put up a strong front in the midst of so much things that are happening in the camp. at least i am able to concentrate on things. haha.. and yea.. able to make myself bit happier.
we exchanged present in our bunks yesterday nite, and i got a mini bottle of vodka. dunno how to drink wine/alcoholic drinks. but its ok. i will juz keep it at home.. maybe next time if i have the chance to well.. share with her. i will surely rip it up and freaking drink it.. haha..
~*+pussy.. py is a pussy.. haha..
never drink wine b4.. but i got a reason for that. cause grandpa died partly due to that.
psp had been a great great companion. really did kept me busy while i am sitting down doing nothing.
haha.. luckily.. there wasn't any terrorists attack in singapore. orelse we will be on the go to protect the installation.
eh.. i sent a letter to jas le. dunno she got receive or not. once in awhile i will think of going to
her place to like ya know.. sit down at the bus stop.. reminising over wat we had gone thru this year. it will be a really emotional moment i guess.. maybe this sat when i book out ba. anyway the year is ending le. and my resolution for this year well.. it wasn't fulfilled. i did not ''chang xiang shi shou'' with jas this year.. and many many more years. haha.. told ya .. i cannot acheive a resolution.. haix. nevertheless.. haha.. a new year is coming. and i wanna make the full use of it. another year of commando hood. haha. its tiring.. sat sun, public holi, own time, all all kenna eaten up. this year nv see home for more than 2 months.. haha.. it was terrible. but it was great too. cause i had alot alot more time to look at myself, srcutinize myself, and improve. everyday, i live in this kinda mood. learning mood, growing up.
to be someone i know i can be.
and to be someone she always want me to.
merry christmas to everyone.. merry christmas jas.
boxing day today. haha.. time to open up all ya presse..
have a great time-->to all the bro and sis out there.
i am no christian yet. but i know tt.. i sound like one.. well..
haha
duno bother..
juz really happy to be home.
tomorrow will be another hectic day.
jia you peng yong. jia you jas.

have a great night ahead.

i need to go le.

peng yong
20:14

posted by py @ 7:50 PM 0 Comments

standby till next tues..

I will be on standby.. till next tuesday, so i might not be around everytime..
i am tired of myself.. these few days. cause i am prone to always dishing out lies.. thats
juz fucking wrong la. because of that, i almost, made someone else suffer in my behalf.
thanks to me.. i know alot of people had suffered. from my behalf. i suck. maybe
that is why i am always experiencing all the sucky things these days. i have juz been
feeling really tired.. really down, juz hate myself.
i need to concentrate on the things i need to do. thats my weakness too.
haix.. i have a hell lot of weaknesses. i am not a guy that a girl can depend on.. haix..
i dunno la.. not in the right frame of mind to talk about anything. haix..
i will improve nonetheless. i will. i tried to register for pilot selection. but cannot.. think i will do
it the manual way. bought a game called monster hunter today. they said its real gd.
wanna really concentrate on things i belive i can do well in. and i wanna try my very best.
really the very best.
can i become what i want to become?


peng yong

posted by py @ 7:11 PM 0 Comments

nearing the end of the year

end of my 2 days break. another long... week.. haha.. cause had range,atp on tuesday
and wednesday.. so tired.. but i think i did pretty ok.. earning a marksmanship badge.. i have to say i dunno why i got it..haha.. cause on the first day of practice.. i got 8/24.. thats real bad..haha..
then on the second day.. got so many delays in the range due to technical failures*(the board juz
won't go down when i shoot them..).. in the end.. i got a marksman after i got back to camp..
dunno how i get one.. haix.. kinda sad for jaime and the others who cannot get..
i reaally really dunno how i get de....sob sob..
i miss the times when i am with jasmine..haha.. i am weird la..
today went out with jie.. huixian.. i so so long.. nv go out with another girl liao..
but i went out with my jie today.. cause need to buy presse for jackson's birthday..
so we went to toy 'r ' us.. to buy presse.. bought a magician set for jackson and a crystal
making set for floria.. haha.. they are growing up le.. floria next year is sec1 le! haha..
so fast eh..jackson next year is pri4.. haha..
i really think they should juz u know.. enjoy their tong nian while they can.. cause it does not
happen twice.. haha.. juz like mine.. i need to enjoy my 20s now.. haha. =D
today went out with jie.. talked alot alot.. talked about religions.. talked about family..
talked about bgr.. talked about work..army.. talked about our life.. and our regrets and
stuff.. haha.. jie is a really nice ..jie!? haha.. she is juz my jie.. but through going out with
her.. suddenly i got a sudden urge to.. well.. become who i was like.. about 6months before..
i was juz trying to be that mr nice guy.. and the more ti tie( caring guy.) i juz wanted to pour
my thoughts out.. i suddenly missed you. jas. haha.. though i know.. its impossible le ba.
cause i know u will not want it anymore. its too tough to go through that tough time again.
i have gone through 11mths of shit le.. and i got my red beret.. and is a commando operational
soldier le.. i am proud. but i need to thank you jas. u were the person, that made me love wat i am
doing.. and is always behind me when i needed u. i really appreciate u. though .. good things
always come to an end. i dunno when u are going to go to australia.. but i wish u the best
of luck! =D have been reading alot alot alot of books recently.. on uni and stuff.. the uni u are
getting into is pretty gd. no doubt. but u need to work hard too.. cause there are lotsa talents
there. work hard&smart, play hard too! haha.. guiding principle of mine i guess.
i guess i am still within the promise i made u when i broke up. ~not to get another girl. cause u are
the only girl i wanted to be with.. haha.. still not broken yet. its self imposed.. so ya.. dun feel bad.
its good for me too la.. cause i can concentrate on army, on my future.. and on my family.
i am never a good guy. i know that.. ha.. and i will never be. cause thats juz me. and if one sees me
as a mei chu si( useless..not-a-good-guy) i guess.. 10 years down the road they will say the same
bloody things.. i am refering to ur dad and mum.. but i know they are doing this for ur good.
well.. i will still be a shit in their eyes.. but.. i know what i am doing..sure as hell.. i will make
them think like i am shit.. but they will regret ever thinking this way. but thats when i tell them
wat the hell is going through my mind & heart. haha.. i will 10 times more successful than ur dad
and mum.. and yes. i hope then.. they will accept me.. by then.. u might be happily married.. ha..
wonder when i will get to see u again. i will leave it to god to decide
i am bold.. brash.. impulsive.. violent.. passionate.. energetic.. optimistic.. with a real sense of
moral judgement and finally, a super critical mind. thats the me now.
hope i can get into uni.. i mean ntu.. and hope i can get selected to be a pilot.
i wanna go and do volunteer work again..wanna work hard in tkd again. wanna read up lotsa books.
but i still lack something. cause i am not doing them. i know wat it is.. but i think.. its impossible to.
so i juz got to find another way to motivate me .
i need to go back to camp to do guard tml..
super shag now..
good nights..

peng yong

posted by py @ 11:16 PM 0 Comments

back to camp.. december le..

yesterday had a really long chat with jasmine..haha.. felt really good after that..
cause all these "what's next?" thoughts have been around my mind abit..
i am pretty tired now.. i mean physically.. cause this week had been really hectic..
with the amount of training on mon through wednesday.. and the guard duties..
and the dinner to attend on friday..the dinner was seriously fun though.. haha..
4 guys cannot book out due to being drunk..haha.. sir was dishing out orders to
make sure they stay in camp..orders means orders la.. cannot break.. orelse kena
charge to martial court..so ya.. they stayed in camp. i did not drink.. quite a pussy..
come to think of it.. but i feel that i need to uphold this thing about not drinking..
there is a certain history behind this 'thing'.. yea..
jasmine told me about this that really hit me hard in the face. "do u lack the courage
to pursue ur dreams?" she asked.. i was pretty er.. wat the hell.. i wanted to say yea~!
i have the courage.. dun u ever doubt me.. but second thoughts came and i felt that
she was right to assume that i do not have that kinda courage..
many a times.. i juz feel and think too much.. well thats only the first part boy..
never do.. it will always be a dream.
juz now i was clicking away on the rsaf webby... and the sia webby..
i went to the recruitment centre webby.. wanted to juz enter all the boxes with data..
but i could not make myself do that.. haha.. weird la.. i think.. i need to think of it abit
more.. i was thinking of afew other things now.. studies.. sports.. career.. i was thinking
of other alternatives.. but i am going to make a decision by next week.
next week will be another hectic week. atp(advance train fire package..pt..military skills
test) .. but there will be 2 day leave, thursday and friday. yea.. so it will be a week to look
forward to again..like this week.
i have piles and piles of newsweeks and books i borrowed waiting for me to read up on..
but i juz dun have the energy to do tt.. sometimes i juz feel that i needed a real break..
like yest.. haha. played games the whole day.. i know its wrong.. but lets put it this way..
it is a new game.. and i am not planning to play it in the intensity like i play it yest.
so yea.. think i need to really go with my plans.. and "mAkE things happen!!!" (quoted from
warrant chua..) haha.. i plan to read up on lotsa sports related books.. and travel and biz
books.. for wat? to make myself knowledgeable about all these fields.. and to broaden
my understanding about these fields.. a need rather than a finesse.. no direction kinda
reading.. the news week too.. gotta read with a pen and paper at hand.. and yea.. a
highlighter too.. pro-active reading that is..
watched death note 4 and 5 anime downloaded yest..
man.. this show is mind boggling.. haha.. hardcore..
but i like to intensity.. my heart pumped faster..
today going to watch two more shows.. battle of witts,
and flags of our fathers. with weida and junyang.
wanna bring my diary and diary to camp today..
i wanna write things down on my mind now..
not juz being luan and luan ..
but clear and composed.

--->mylovelypapamama
peng yong

posted by py @ 12:09 PM 0 Comments