Never Give Up! eh! =)

timing.
Is there ever a right timing?
When will it be? Now? Tomorrow?
Great, unsure eh..

I hope, god bless, I will know what is the
Right timing.

I think, it needs to feel right, feels like "argh, this
Is the moment!"

And when I really believe in it, and have faith that
This is the best for me, I will certainly ask it
Without hesistation. With conviction. With sincerity.

----

Today's first day of school for hl, jia you and enjoy the class!

I've got class too.. quite worried about the test on saturday

night 7pm to 8pm. But yea. since we're not meeting tues and wed.

I'll just study really hard these 2 nights.

Last 2 sem. wanna do my best!

----

Felt really off before she left yesterday night.

Argh.. just gotta be patient.

yest wasn't the time yet.

patient.. py

----

Closing period!! 1st and last week of the month is the worst!

But yea, kinda got used to the stress attached.
Just gotta conc and do my best. =)

After listening to Prime Minister's National Day Rally speech,

I felt that I am actually at the center of a real exciting times.

Once felt that I needed to go overseas to find excitement in my life,

which is true.. but somehow i feel that there are so much to

live for in Singapore. It's exciting times..

60s to 70s - Fighting for independence, scary times, exciting.

80s to 90s - creating the foudations for Singapore, exciting, blessed tt i am born to this world.

2000s - How we are going to adapt to this fast changing times and balancing all other issues.

Exciting!! =D

I will reconsider, whether to go to Australia.

----

today's tkd lesson went well, but i think there are so much more things that

i will need to improve in. I feel that i am striking the tone with the kids, but

there are still so much i need to learn and be aware of.

sigh... hui li's gums are still giving her so much pain. why sia..

so hope it will get better.

i know how it feels, because last month i was suffering from it.

Seriously affects the mood.. and really that affects all facets of day to day living.

Speedy recovery hl and yup, hopefully we go for a run tmr!

Saturday was fun =)

After class, went out with Abbie to Ikea, it was great!

So long nv go! and haha.. we were free after class, so we went to ikea.

Bought some stuff, like multi plug and afew bulbs, but

really wanna get a table for my room. i have one in mind

so really thinking of getting it next sat/sun when i go out with hl.

hopefully we find time.

been a great week!

next week will have a test on sat 7pm to 8pm at home. hopefully i

do well! financial planning online mcq 50 qns. woohoO!

fuck la. feel like shit today.

first thing in the morning tell me that i am a fucking
guy with no integrity and do fraud. best she did it
by telling me through a middle man. just tell me straight
in my face and let me defend. now i am told to keep
quiet and don't blow up. ok i am doing just that.
i am pretty good in keeping my emotions. but i must
tell u boss, i am really pissed. fucking i am same type as
my mum. i can ren, but when things are up, i will make sure
i make u out of job.

and i am serious. i have a few ways that i know of to
do that in my sick brain now.

ok great. py is so not himself today.

this is affecting my work.. and i am seriously quite
upset. esp someone just step on my integrity.

fucking shit.

As i get older...

I get naggier
I find that i am having less time for myself
I have increased responsibilities
I need to think of things more indept and maturedly
I need to keep my emotions in check almost all the time
I fall in love lesser (because i am alot more serious about r/s issues)
I become more materialistic
I become to lose sight of myself, my moral, my principles.

I began to learn to reject and choose
I began to cherish my parents and siblings more
I began to think on other people's shoe almost all the time
I began to work harder for my goals
I began to believe in myself
I began to admit my mistakes and give myself an opportunity to grow
I began to face adversity right in the face, like a man
I began to think further into my future and develop plans accordingly
I began to appreciate whatever i have
I began to take care of my heart.

I'm so random.. talking about this today.

Well today's a Sunday, i have ample time to reflect.
But there's no end to reflecting. That is why i do it everyday.

----

Today was a good day =)

Morning missed my run with Ka Mei.. because i seriously needed
some good rest. haa
Woke up at 845am, went straight to Tiong Bahru to teach taekwodo.
Today's class was great in compared to my last 2 classes. haa
I managed to instill some discipline that i expect from the students.
And i guess i was harsh.. but i went the hard way..
Fortunately, the parents did not complaint, and they kids are
listening.. i was happy that things turn out the way it did.
The 3 white belts(beginners) simply did not understand the basic
discipline that i needed from them to continue my class. So i had to
focus, on the 3, and give them repetitive training. And strict coaching.
Somehow it worked.. haa =P
I hope they will remember this lesson for life. Because Taekwondo
like any other martial art, is a journey, is an education journey.
Next week, Coach is going to take over. So i am going to be back as
a student/asst. coach. So yea.. kinda looking forward to training
myself to the standard i used to have.
Thank lord for that sms from coach, after 2 years of no tkd.
I feel alive again.

Exhausted..
Tired..
Sorry..

These words aren't pretty words.

But I am saying more of them and hearing
More of them recently.

There's always ups and downs in life.

I guess ita a sign.

Today was a good sunday.

I managed to wake up early, send my project group mates the

questions that they needed.
I was 5 minutes late for taekwondo class. And sir was right to

reprimand me, as i am the main coach for the day, i needed

to set the tone, by being early. I fully accepted his advise.

He's a man of many virtues and a man i respect. He gave me

a skill that i grown to love and now i am able to share that

passion with the many kids in this sunday class. amazing.

god bless! (ok.. i side tracked)

The conduct of the class was so much better today because i
managed to think of something on the train while travelling to

the class. The previous night and this morning were anxious

times. I tried to recall the 'disaster' last saturday where i

was so tired of teaching. I did not know how to handle the kids,

and their unselfish energy output, i felt powerless last week.

This week, due to sir being around for 3/4 of the class, i was

able to exercise some indirect discipline in the kids. That helped.

But i should not discount myself of my plans today too.
The plan for today (devised on the mrt) was to understand

and appreciate the target audience. In this case, kids ranging

from age 7yrs to 13yrs. They are pretty much kids and they

will behave like one. ie. throw tantrums, talk among themselves,

figit alot, talk back to me, throw me into a tough position,

do weird and at times cute and funny things that just makes

one forget the thing that angered u before.

It's tough. so i decided i will bring myself to their level, that

means trying to think like them and do things that will

motivate them. Injected fun into the whole learning process
so that they will enjoy their lesson, all with the aim to

gain their trust - that coach yong is not just a part timer or

make shift coach. I tried to acceed to their previous week's

request of running stairs. Haa.. it was funny. they have

problem staying in line, they tried to irritate each other,

they have problem listening to my instructions. Haa.. that

was the environment i was in.

How did i go around this debacle?

Haa.. i think i was smart. i made owen, the highest rank boy

in the class, the first runner.. another senior with some form

of authority as the last runner. I also got the two students

that are not feeling well to be our safety i/c. one downstairs and

one at the 12th level.
Somehow it worked, they managed to run up and down the stairs

in unison. But some of them still cheated by taking the lift.

For that, i made them do a forfeit! haa.. back facing everyone,

using their butt to draw the whole words "sorry". haa

they felt embarrassed. Well, that was the point! =)

It hit home to them, that they did something wrong.

and we had a good laugh.

Sir's standard for his students are really high.

I mean REALLY HIGH! (btw, sir is a senior master coach,

a qualified coaching title in singapore)

So yea, he was right to feel let down when he saw the

level of discipline in the kids. He kept telling me that

the kids/youths/young ppl nowadays are really just NATO.

haa.. learnt from hui li. NATO = No Action Talk Only.

So sir was really dissappointed. He advised me not to

teach the kids advanced skills when they could not even

learn the simple stuff. ie. one of the boy dunno how to tie

his belt and he has been in tkd for 2 years.

sir also advised me to be more strict to the kids before

the kids climb on my head and shit. haa.. its an army term.

So yea.. i guess they had alr lao sai on my head alr during

last week's lesson. lastly, sir told me something that was

really saddenning.. i asked him, what is your goal for this class,

or what is it that u expect from this bunch of kids.

He told me, i don't know, i cannot see it. He added, we

just go there and teach, do our part and that will be enough.

I don't know its because he was bogged down and stress about

his current YOG Senior organiser volunteering job. But really

it is quite saddening. I am sadden.

Hmm.. when i came back 2 months ago to tkd. he told me to rem

the 5 Ps that he always preached, about what tkd is.

Passion
Practise/Practice
Pain
Perserverance
Patience

Basically the explanation is one needs the passion before anything

to start tkd, so that u will put your heart and soul into tkd. It's a

way of life to many, and me. Then you practise hard for your own

goal. U need the inner drive to move towards your goal.

Then what happens, in martial art, alike all sports, u will hit the

rock bottom and get injured somehow. It's in this period of time when

you must learn and practise perserverance. Go along with the

recovery, practise less straineous stuff like coaching, breathing

techniques, helping to do some chores like wiping the target

boards etc. And when you recover, be patience, cause results will

appear when u are concious of the 5 Ps.

And i guess i was sadden today by what sir said, because he

basically tell me to ignore passion. just do my job and make sure

they pass their grading and stuff.

I refuse to acceed to his this advise.

I intend to ignite their passion about tkd, make life long friends,

and correct their bad habits.
Ie. being late (me too, i need to do sth about it), forgetting what

we taught them last lesson, not knowing how to tie the belt,

not knowing how to do pattern the correct way, not knowing

how to perform a good kick, discipline issue, not having

a goal to chiong towards, and lastly, their attitude.

Gonna be tough. but i guess i am just too passionate to let them
pass me without correcting them. I love tkd, and everything

it had given me. It's time i give back.

Oh ya, i have decided to take the grading in sept/oct and get

dan 2. (Haa.. in a way i force myself to master all patterns)

---

Today had a good chat with lyon. Lyon is really rong guang

huan fa today. So fresh and filled with happiness. it's

written all over her face. I am really happy for her.

I guess his bf-to-be is really a good catch, so lyon must really

treasure ya! this god-given opportunity! =D

zhu ni men liang xin fu!

Shared alot of my thoughts and current feelings and struggles

with lyon too. she's a really good listener. she provided

me some insights into some of my struggles and i am just

really glad i met her today. It's quite 'qiao'.. cause i was suppose

to meet hl, but she was held up, so i met lyon for a short chill out

at coffee bean post centre. I am feeling so much better now.

but i still need to internalise what u have taught me. So yea, i

guess i am going for a cycling trip later. ~sports is always the

thing that helps to make me think better, to clear my mind and

focus.

---

Met up with hl today for a chat, less the run, because she was

feeling really nua. and i can unds why.. (2-3 weeks of intense

work.. less/no-good sleep everynight and ot at home..) I hope

hl doesn't bring work home anymore. do it, finish it and go

home. at least u do ot and go home later, so much better than

bringing work home and continue working. its not healthy. and

i was and am worried. but i guess.. sometimes its bo bian.

just try to minimise this ya..

we talked bit about everything as we do not really have alot

of time tgt. just time from 4 to 630 pm. but i thank god,

for these short meet ups and individual time i have with her.

Even if its 2 hrs. it will induce a happy py and i hope

she is enjoying my company too. I really treasure the times

that we spent tgt, its really impt to me.

Gotta go do some project work and go for a cycling trip later

for 1/2 hr. at 12 i guess.

Cheers!

Can i live with a near perfectionist?

I can.

Why do u think u can?

because i am a commando, i adapt to different situation absolutely well.

Am i a near perfectionist too?

Not totally, but a 80%.

Then what am i?

I demand alot from myself. Difference is i listen well too.

What is the thing i am listening to?

My heart, my soul, my physical self, my mind.

Only listening to myself?

Hl's too.

- - -

Is she tired? yes.

From what? work(gets worse), school, tuition classes, friends & family commitments

Am i tired? yes.

From what? work(gets worse), school, friends & family commitments

where are u putting each other?

---

tomorrow's gonna be a longlong morning.

Got to think of a way to coach those hyper active kids.

i am so worried.

Jia you peng yong!

Sometimes I try to avoid certain questions.

But there isn't anything that i can avoid for my whole life.

It will eventually surface and plained out.

It is, i guess, how life is structured.

___________________________

However, there are times when I question myself...........

ASK and i might lose the opportunity.

But if i don't ask, i will be going sleepless for another few days.

Yes, I will usually go with not asking. Because i am just too scared..

What am i scared of?

The Fear of being hurt.. and hmm knowing i am a really emo guy..

I will usually take less sleep than risk.

But, is my conservative stance worth it?

I only live once eh? and if i believe i met the one, & i slap myself left

right up down for a good few months and still feel the same..

NOW, Another qns surface, am i willing to risk god's plans?

oh man. here i go again. i am always stuck here.

god bless.