haa.. i think it is a good habit. I am quite lazy to pick up my pen to write on my diary ever since chinese new year. Don't ask me why. Noting down a small part of my history and feelings on this blog is wonderful. I feel very blessed. It helps to keep me in perspective too. And its also an outlet for me.
To have people everywhere blessing me and being there for me. I feel very fortunate and lucky.
I think i have been very greedy as of late. Friends are friends.. sometimes i depend too much on them and make them feel so drained. And i just felt really bad when my stupid brain realises it, by then the damage is already done. Sometimes i think too much.. when a female friend is treating me better. Because i partly i have been treating her better. this 'thinking too much' makes me believe that we could actually become a couple, a pair one day soon. SO.. i just kept trying to make sure that that happens.. doing all the stupid things.. and yes.. damage was also done.. AND worse.. i might lose a friend. This is a sickening feeling. There's a history behind.. because i am just not that kinda guy that has alot alot of stamina, although i try to think i have... i don't have alot of stamina to go through merry go round courtship. So i get frustrated and stuff.. sad and grieves.. what the fuck lor.. I don't want to be greedy anymore. I'll trust in god, have faith and trust that he has already prepared a loveship that is for me. In god i trust.
Yes.. i am always stuck with all these infactuation stuff.. And i don't blame anyone for that. I guess i need to just be clear from now on, what is infactuation, and what is true love. Because i tend to treat everything as love. haha.. yes i am dumb and stupid.
These are my weakness. Please strike me down if u are my enemy, and heal me if you are not my enemy. God bless.
Today was fun! haa.. after work i met up with everyone for dinner at a chinese restaurant at suntec (tang dian wang). It was a good dinner because i had alot! haa.. and the bday girl, kelly was as usual so pretty, mx as usual v hyper and happy =D I hope you two, and everyone present enjoy urself! Thanks to jiayi for the photos. What a big camera! haa looks so cooL!
After dinner kelly jiayi zhong ren went off.
Then we went to arcade and we played those stuff toys catching machine haa! I was so addictive.. we actually spent $8 each (adam daniel me). haa We just kept playing turn by turn. haa.. and when we are going off, the staff was v nice to give us one of the stuff toys ha... coz we spent like $24 on it.. haa YES I KNOW> we didn't catch it on merit. haa but we tried yea! haa..
So yea.. the pink winnie the pooh is a welcome gift! haa THANK YOU DANIEL AND ADAM!! they gave me the stuff toy! haa..
Jiayun got 1 30% test/exam tmr.. JIAYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do well yea!!!!!!!
I'll pray for a miracle!!
Tomorrow is also Vesak day in Singapore. So yea! haa.. good day! No work! haaa
I always tell myself that accounts is not the line that i want to work in for the rest of my life. I will prefer to follow my soul's calling.. I haven't really "get it", my soul's voice. Not yet.
But there are whispers, some vague calling from god and my heart to do certain things. I believe that doing things that you love and don't feel tired in, something that i do and it rejuvenises myself and inspire others to rejuvenise too, thats my calling.
Volunteer work, social work and activities, helping ppl critically, being a medical doctor, sports science and preventive personel, working in a sports environment, working in the biggest soccer club in the world, travel, educating young man and woman, rural land, city skies.....
Just rambling all my thoughts.
haha.. sometimes this helps..
oh ya i found this really fantastic song>>
God bless jy, in her exams on her bday and tests tmr.
Infactuationan intense, sometimes short-lived interest in a subject, which makes it seem like everything you encounter is related to and/or reminds you of that theory, area, object, etc. Also the tendency to gather and hoarde knowledge, trivia, etc about your subject.
intense - yes short-lived interest - definition? - is 4mths short? everything..related/remind.. - true tendency ..gather..hoarde knowledge - argh.. i sound so despo, but yes
Ok.. it's infactuation..
Love
Love is any of a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection and attachment.
..number of emotions - hell lot!..strong affection - hmmm define strong.. well i can live without her.. attachment - argh.. i dunnoOk.. not love at this pt of time..
haha.. so much of these stuff..
Today wasn't a really good Monday morning.. jy just left for australia and is still on the plane.Argh! Haix! Arghssmore!~
nvm.. be back in november.. if only i am rich, i can just travel to aust.
Thank you for the swimming session, i dunno i thank u how many times le. It was a good 2 hrs. Cherish is the key word.
Thank you javin, for listening to all my craps, and for praying for me.
Thank you dickson for always being there for me! And yes, listening to all my craps.
I'll stop here, if not i will keep going on and on.. Okay, here's the deal, i am suppose to chiong finish all my closing of accounts (work) by this wednesday. Yes, it's insane.. but yes i am going to set that as my goal. Jia you! Thursday there is a bday celebration for the May babies, i do not want to miss that!
I got a sudden urge to buy a nikon D90 DSLR camera. I've also a sudden urge to learn tango. And there's this thing on my mind everyday, to open the sim social work club + save enough money to go australia and settle down and work and get my pr and take medicine and and and and .. haa
Ok.. my brain is alway thinking of so many things at the same time. It's amazing.
It's approaching dusk and sunday is coming to an end.
back to work tomorrow. I don't dread work, but i just felt i haven't really done all that i could do for this weekend.
Haha.. this always happens and it ain't good i guess.
Oh well, i think i will start to do some clearing up of my messy table and return it to my pre-exam condition. =)
my blog has become more of a dumping ground of what i didn't want others to know about me. Perceive is the name of the game. And everyone is presenting themselves the way they want others to perceive them. yes, i am no exception.
Oh the sky is turning purple, so nice.. soon it will blue and then black.
I really do not know? what is in it for me and what i can do? and worse, i do not know what i should feel. 不是你的，就不是你的。canigiveup?
Briefly, I had swimming in the morning with Jia Yun at Toa Payoh Safra (because the public pool is closed for an event). She still looks the same, as cheerful and energetic as a light buld. I feel comfortable around her. Oh and she swims really well too! Breaststroke, freestyle.. haha.. i wish i had more time with her, like after that going out for lunch movie cycling @ ecp et cetera. But i guess she is really stress and tired - mainly because when she gets back to melbourne there are 5 obstacles/testes that she needs to do. I pray for her success and may god bless her with energy, and belief that she will do well. Cause I know she can.
Okay that's really long.. Next i went back home to serangoon, and I just simply rested the whole afternoon away.. its only when the alarm rang at 4pm that i went for a run around my grannie's house at serangoon. It was a good workout because i managed to go through my routine well. I felt strong. Physically. But i know i still have some way to go before i can safely pass my ippt retest and do my marathons. Gambatte neh!
In the evening i met kok wei and meng shyan, and we took jy dad's car together with jia yun to sentosa cove. We were all going wooo and ahh! Basically expressions of AWE and yes i must tell you, this place looks so CHILL! It's the perfect place for a chill out break. And yes, even in the night, it looks so romantic and mysterious at times. I simply love this place at first sight. But like what kok wei said, this place, i guess it might be the only time we will be here. so yea, we'll just have to enjoy the time we were there, and thats what we did! We even went up to jiayun's place! Haa.. it was sooo cooL! As in the moment when u step out of the lift, it's jiayun's house! haa private lift, yes! The scenery and quietness at night, yes its a bliss.
I wonder when i will be able to afford such an apartment/house..
Midnight, i took Night Rider home..
Jia yun thank you for the hospitality!! it was really fun! And i tell you, sentosa cove is sooooooooooooooooooooooo amazing! So chill! We love it! I love it! U love it! haa
Happy 21st birthday! & May u be a doctor in 4 years time. =P
Haa.. It was really fun! Especially to meet up with friends that you always wanted to. Run at the kallang basin, having a light dessert at one of the shop houses. Walking around after that, talking. It was a good day!
Tmr will be the last day of the week and i really have to go full power into trying to finish all my work, if not next week will be a struggle.
Jia you!!
Jia you jiayun too! You have an exam tmr that takes a long time! Good luck and may god bless you, do well!
It was Jun Yang's belated Birthday dinner. And i am not exactly that creative and stuff with such outing. So i hope he enjoyed the old-fashioned: Dinner-movie-talking celeb.
Haa But i did enjoyed myeslf.
Do you know (you most probably know by now.. my msn nick) my dad is inspired by this 74yr old runner, and he decided to set foot on other countries to take part in Marathons.
The one he proposed was crazy, as in the time for training. It is happening on 27 June 2010. Oh mans.. that is 1 month away. and he is serious about it! Oh no.. I am so worried for both of us. I told dad i will tell him my decision by Sunday. But u know what, both of us, exercise freaks, will end up both agreeing to go. Haix!
Like father, like son.
Ok, that being said, i will needa attend my ippt RT and pass my ippt after that!
June is going to be such a good month!
Plus i have set myself a deadline awhile ago. Which is to form SIM social service club by June 2010. I got a feeling it will be easier than i thought it will be.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
today was a really tiring day.. i am wrestling with my feelings, wrestling with time, wrestling with me. End up? I am drained.
Maybe i am thinking way too much.
I need to go out there, and do it, less thinking.
God, there is only one person i need. And i need your grace, to point me to that direction..to her, because i am lost, beaten, loss.
U have sent angels and messengers down from heaven to tell me, that things will reach me, certainly, and i have faith in that. But i am getting impatient, with the wait, with myself.
I am as strong as u created me to be.
I do know my limits, because i know limits by his surname.
I am feeling really mixed up inside. and i am beginning to get worn down again, by the sheer mess inside me.
This blog post, i guess, is a warning sign, a reminder.
hmm.. today the paper was really tough? i feel that i was quite stunned/taken aback by the 'theory' questions. they are seriously testing us very deeply into our concepts.
I simply could not differentiate the different rules for the residency questions. I couldn't see the difference, so the answer i gave was incorrect. haix! hopefully i get some marks here and there, and pass this paper. I doubt i will be able to get a distinction for this paper. Though my goal was to get HD for Accounting theory(i think i can) and HD for Singapore Taxation(i hope i pass!) and for auditing. yes i just aiming for a pass. auditing was real tough. I just felt i couldn't cope at times. but i just gave it my best shot. though i really do not know if my answers will warrant me that. Alright, i've done my best in a short span of time
AAR(after action report/reflection)
I need to do my revision more often. like really be discipline, and spend 2 hours a day doing revision for all my subjects. I need to spend at least 2 hours reading per day. I need to spend more time exercising, at least like erm.. run 3 times a week. And do push ups and sit ups everyday. I am beginning to pray everyday.. so it really helped me spiritually. Financially i am dealing with things quite well, jing huan i am doing ok suprisingly! haa i am paying my bills and contributing to the family. Emotionally, i have recovered from my last relationship. i'm back to normal! I am getting used to my new room! for ppl that dunno, i moved to occupy my home's study room! and its really nice. i have my own room and space!
So far that is what i can remember! there are more learning i did actually!
And i am tired, but i wanna say here, jia you to everyone that are taking exams like lyon, jia yun, and my buddies in 1st commandos doing their exams in ntu, uol,smu, nus!
Seriously speaking. Because i really don't have the sense of urgency. But i feel that i am kinda getting it now.. since it is less than 2 days to my Singapore Taxation paper. I am going to at least clear the reading part up till chapter 8. And if still awake, i wanna do those questions that teacher gave us. I am at chapter 6 now. Jia you Peng Yong! That's the goal.
Tomorrow morning got to keep writing, come out with the notes that i will bring to exam hall with. So that i do not need to keep flipping to find the things i need.
Afternoon try the past year exam paper that zh is so nice to mass send, to us. 1.2.3 .. Xie Xie Zhong Hua Da Ge!
Evening, i will need to do more tutorials/redo exam paper/revision
and mid night.. hmmmm. i will see if i need to do more! (I bet i do..)
Jia you!
Congrats Jia Yun! yay! u are going to get baptised at the end of the month! So happy for you la.. i just felt u grown up liao. and its something worth celebrating!
Today's e 1st day of May! (a.k.a Labour Day-i'm considered a labour too!)
April has been a great month!
Why? Because.. + I know i have the ability to close my accounts(work) in 3weeks! ~usually i take about 1 month + I kinda found enough energy to pull through 2 exam papers so far.. though i am still worried about the results bit, as always.. i am soo focused on my last paper, Singapore Taxation! I wanna get HD! +I had 3 "celebrations" for my birthday! One was a lunch bday outing with mummy where i bought my own netbook, another was bday outing cum movie marathon with Junyang, and last but the best was the GREAT experience i had at 'the glasshouse-Fish&Co' with my classmates! they are soooo nice~! Memorable bday! I received a letter from australia! how cool is that! It is from jia yun! =D
April was a short month, because i feel that i was rushing my work enjoying myself, and chionging exam with the limited time i have. It was tiring, sweet, happy, dreamy and ambitious most of the time.. though there were times i was soo pissed and not myself! For those times, i really apologise to everyone that was affected!
But i love my classmates! They are like the nicest ppl around! I love the people around me too! I just love being around ppL!
